If your marriage isn’t what is used to be and you’re starting to think it might be over, family counseling could help save your marriage. Having invested time with your partner, and especially if you’ve started a family with children, it is possible to reestablish a relationship with your spouse. There are factors you should consider when seeking counseling to determine if your attempt has a chance of success.
Factors That Can Impact Successful Family Counseling for Troubled Couples
Any couple can enter into counseling when they feel their marriage is in trouble. While any can enter, not all will be successful as there are factors that have an impact on success or failure. One recent study shows marriage counseling helps on average seven out of ten couples who attend this form of therapy. These are some of the factors that affect the three percent that fails.
Factors that Impact Failure of Family Counseling
Some couples that seek out counseling when they find it hard to stay together may face failure if they’re problems have been repeating for a number of years and are too ingrained. Counseling cannot be successful if one of the partners is afraid to open up and talk about the issues. Another factor will be if one or both of the partners does not want to work at resolving the issues.
Factors that Impact Success of Family Counseling
Motivation is the biggest factor for counseling being successful. Both of the partners also have to hold a positive attitude that help is possible and talking with the therapist is going to make a difference. It is also important that both partners are willing to explore the issues and from each other’s perspective. When each of the couples can repair their communication and regain or begin to trust one another, a resolution is possible. This communication may involve getting rid of the ‘baggage’ that is causing a dispute between the two.
The truth behind the question regarding whether or not counseling is crucial for troubled marriages is; yes, it is if the couple is willing to work on the marriage. Each spouse has to take his or her responsibility for their part in the problems and be prepared to fix or change them. It will take more than just a few visits of family counseling, but this therapy can fix troubled marriages that are motivated to be saved.
Considering counseling services in Charlotte, NC? Contact the professionals at L&B Counseling.
Person-centered counseling is one which employs a non-authoritative approach. This way, clients lead therapy sessions and in the process, discover solutions to problems facing them. As a therapist, your role will be to compassionately facilitate the entire process while listening without judgment. You are similarly required to acknowledge your clients’ experiences without changing the course of the conversation. This approach to therapy equally emphasizes the significance of relating to your clients with responsiveness. Here are some of the main person-centered counseling techniques.
This technique pertains to whether or not you are authentic and genuine to whatever you say or do. If for instance you say one thing but your body language reflects a totally different thing, your clients may take note of it. This will impact on their openness and trust towards the therapeutic relationship that you are trying to establish. Ensure that your speech and body language are in congruence so that your clients feel comfortable and ready to express their feelings.
Unconditional Positive Regard
This basically entails caring about, respecting, and accepting your clients. However, it doesn’t mean that you should agree with whatever a client does or says. In retrospect, it is about perceiving your clients as doing the best they can do. You can demonstrate this by showing concern as opposed to disagreeing with them. Unconditional positive regard during counseling sessions will allow your clients to express their thoughts without feeling they are being judged. It also makes them feel they are accepted.
You should employ this skill to show that you understand and relate to your client’s emotions. Rather than sympathizing with your clients, you need to empathize with them because it will help them open up to you further.
This technique allows clients to be the focus during therapy sessions. It means that you won’t be the one implementing strategies and activities, or giving advice. This allows you to reflect on your feelings. Ultimately, your clients will feel positive about the entire experience because the focus will be on them and the challenges that they face.
The aforementioned person-centered approaches to counseling seek to incorporate a humanistic perspective to therapy. The approaches regard your clients as individuals who are autonomous and capable of resolving their difficulties. By employing these approaches, you will enable your clients to realize their potential besides changing their lives positively.
Learn more about counseling and counseling services at L&B Counseling in Charlotte NC.
ABCs of behavior:
A stands for Action that initiates a behavior i.e. you ask your child to complete his/her homework.
B stands for Behavior i.e. your child has a tantrum or says he/she has no homework.
C stands for Consequence i.e. your child has a tantrum and gets grounded.
First rule: Be consistent and following through with the limit that you set.
Second rule: Make a request i.e. please pick up your room. Set a specific time you want the directive completed i.e. clean your room within fifteen minutes. Finally let your child know what will happen if the directive is not completed i.e. you will lose TV for two days.
Third rule: Make sure the request is fair and the punishment fits the request i.e. your child did not brush his/her teeth and you punish from TV the next day. (Too harsh)
Fourth rule: Do not reduce the consequence based upon good behavior or completion of the first directive i.e. your child is good for four days and wants to go to the movies with a friend but the punishment was six days. (He/she still has to wait for six days)
Issue a command: Please go brush your teeth.
Give a time limit for command to be completed i.e. count to five.
Tell the child if he/she does not start the task within five seconds, a time out will be given.
Send child to time out if the task has not been completed.
The length of the time out should not exceed the age of the child i.e. a five year old child gets a five minute time out.
After the time out is completed, talk with your child about his/her understanding of why he/she was in time out.
The child then goes and completes the task that you had asked them to complete. ( brushing his/her teeth)
Active Ignoring: 1. Walking away from a situation when your child tries to get you in a power struggle or 2. Taking away the audience when your child is having a tantrum.
Stay calm: It demonstrates that you are in control even though your child may not be.
Keep your word: Follow through despite the setting. (Out in public/at your house). Give the reward or consequence when you say you are going to do it.
Immediate response: Give the consequence or reward quickly after the behavior. This reinforces the response you are trying to get.
Be mindful: Remember the motto “do as I say not as I do.” You are the biggest influence in your child’s life. Your child will model his/her reaction to a situation based upon how you have handled a similar situation.
Physical functioning: Be aware that your child’s physical functioning has a large part on how your child handles situations. If your child is hungry, tired or sick then he/she is not going to be as resilient as you would expect.
Issue one direction at a time: Sometimes children get overloaded and can only handle one direction at a time. Also, some children are a visual learner, which means that they need to see as well as hear the direction. (Show them how to tie their shoe will tell them).
BE CONSISTENT: Discipline in the same way every time to allow your child to know what the rules and expectations are.
Develop a token system:
Establish a reward that your child wants i.e. going to Carowinds, buying a video game, going to the park.
Establish the behavior(s) that your child must show to get the reward.
Identify how many tokens your child will need to earn to receive the reward.
You can break down the distribution of the token by minutes, hours, days or weeks. This needs to depend on the severity of the behavior you are trying to change.
Have the token be displayed so it is a visual reminder to the child the benefit of their effort.
You may not take away what has been earned i.e. if your child has a really bad day, they do not lose all of the tokens he/she has already earned.
Positive Self-Talk in Counseling
A positive outlook on life can help a person achieve a certain level of success in life. Some people struggle with having a positive outlook. Using positive self-talk can help begin the process of looking a life and daily events in a better way and improve an individuals self-esteem and self worth. Contact the professionals at L&B Counseling in Charlotte NC to learn more.